You know that feeling when you really love and care for someone, and you went to do something for them out of love, but it just fell flat, cos they didn’t care about what you did, and they responded half-heartedly? Did you feel unappreciated, and that what you did didn’t matter?
Here’s my latest revelation on that, inspired by my interactions with the Balinese folks in my community.
I cherish and love the Balinese in my home and village dearly. There was a moment on New Year’s Day when I saw that every one of them I was looking at was a reflection of my Self, a reflection of Love. With immense love in my heart and a spirit of generosity, I ordered lots of food for us to share together in a New Year’s Day party.
However the actual event just felt flat. They didn’t seem to care much. I brought the pizzas in and nobody looked at me. They carried on with their conversations even after I’d invited them to eat. I felt unappreciated and actually struggled to break into a deeper conversation with them while eating.
This is not the first time – I’ve been around these people for years and my experience with them has almost always had this kind of flavor. That night, I scratched my head in wonder, okay, I know that my feeling is created by me 100%, but it’s totally not fun to put myself in this kind of situation again and again. What do I do now??
Suddenly, I see so clearly that the Balinese teach me so much about love and how to show up with love.
I’ve come to see now that Love is the context for my relationship with the Balinese. It is the encompassing container within which I can choose to play, show up, or create a way of relating that works for me, that is enlivening and mutually honoring, that nourishes instead of drains.
No matter what I choose to do with the Balinese, my love for them is constant, that’s all that matters. Inside that, the forms and expressions of love might change depending on where I’m at on my journey, where they’re at, and other practical considerations, etc. For example, I don’t need to go out of my way and go to great lengths to do things for them if it doesn’t make sense. I can do it if I feel inspired to. But even when I don’t do it, my love for them is still intact.
So what I choose to do with them can really be different, moment to moment to moment, if I follow wisdom in the moment. And it’s all okay. Even if I feel flat or disappointed, it’s still okay, it too shall pass, and I’m always held in Love, and everything I do is out of Love.
Having a context for your relationship takes you from agony and pain to acceptance and joy. That context is the container that allows you to view whatever shows up inside that container in a different light. It inspires you to do things differently and make different decisions.
You can choose whatever context for your relationships, one that inspires and moves you. It can be Love, it can be Growth, it can be Radical Acceptance, it can be anything you want it to be, and it can change any moment. Yes, you’re free to create a new context anytime!
Let me know if this resonates with you or if you have any questions.