I stumbled upon an article on the net the other day, whose title was along the line of ‘Ladies, the more intelligent you are, the more likely you’re gonna be single.‘ It was quite controversial and has stirred up lots of upset, anger, disagreement, as well as head-nodding from different directions.
So is it true? The smarter you are as a woman, the higher chances you are going to be single? Really?
Having worked with many women over the years, I feel called tease out the facts from the myths and shed some light on this.
Many intelligent, independent career women I’ve met/worked with have expressed with anguish how they haven’t been able to find love in their lives, to find a partner for a loving, supportive intimate relationship.
MYTH: “Your supreme intelligence is to blame for your lackluster love life.”
Let me get this straight: Your Intelligence is NOT the problem.
So, if you see yourself as an intelligent woman, do not get scared. That’s not the problem.
The problem is somewhere else, and you can fix it.
The reason why smart, successful women can’t find a man is NOT because they’re smart.
It is because they just fr**king INTIMIDATE men.
Now, there is a marked distinction between being intelligent AND being intimidating/ wanting to be right/ showing off your IQ.
Being successful, independent women, this ‘intimidating’ vibe comes through from the way they walk, the way they talk, the way they interact with the environment.
The very thing that got these women so successful in their career is the exact Achilles’ heel for them in dating.
What these women are not aware of is the dominant, controlling vibe they’re giving. It repels men like the PLAGUE. Men are either are gonna run for the hills out of being intimidated (the shy ones), or they’re just gonna be turned off and uninterested. After all, men have spent all their days at work in a masculine environment of competition and head-butting with others, when it comes to love, relaxing, romantic, chill-out time, why would they want to get into another heated argument? They want to be with a WOMAN, not another man in the form of a woman!
I know this inside-out because I was exactly like those women, up to 4-5 years ago… until someone pointed it out to me, and even then I was so offended!! I didn’t want to pretend to be a dumb-ass Barbie doll just to win a guy over. My intelligence suddenly became a curse, a burden, a disadvantage.
Fortunately, I don’t have to dumb myself down or give up my intelligence to be attractive. This is what I’ve discovered to be true:
MYTH: “Men do not like intelligent women and prefer dumb women.”
Many men enjoy having an intelligent partner to have stimulating conversations with, to be a sounding board for their ideas, to co-create and plan their life together. That’s what a partner means: To contribute a part of yourself to the relationship. Intelligent women hands down make better partners and better mothers for their children; they are also much more dependable partners especially during difficult times. So if you’re a woman with high IQ, you have a gift. It is a gift, not a burden!
However, what men do NOT enjoy is being told what to do, being robbed of the opportunity to surprise or impress or provide for a woman, being argued with all the time, being with a woman who just wants to be right, having their capability and power belittled upon, having to constantly prove themselves to the woman.
So if you have a gift of intelligence, learn to use your gift wisely, with discernment.
Trying to impress men with your intellect is not merely the problem here. There’s something else deeper at play that you might be doing unconsciously — that is: trying to get validation that you’re good enough…
Many smart and capable women fall into the trap of wanting to prove to men that they’re smart and capable. Just notice, in the conversations and interactions with men, how often are you trying to prove yourself to them with your achievements and brain power, to get their validation, recognition and approval? Just so they know you’re on the same caliber with them? Just so they know that you don’t need them?
Examples: Organize a date (where/when to meet, what to do), arrange a trip, lead on the dance floor, insist on paying for yourself, tell the man that you know how to do things better, keep telling him of your accomplishments and career success, get into a heated intellectual debate and try to get your points across, even give him advice on how to live his life or invest his money, etc.
All those are outward symptoms of a woman still trying to prove her intellectual/financial prowess to men, to the detriment of their dating ‘success.’ You win the argument but lose the relationship.
You can STILL BE INTELLIGENT/SUCCESSFUL and completely attractive to men, if you’re willing to drop the act.
I’ve done it myself and I’ve taught it to many of my clients, who are jet-setters, business owners, high-level executives but still get to enjoy a passionate, beautiful love life.
Watch my short video below… a friend was interviewing me for an upcoming workshop, excuse the workshop details, but you’ll get a clear picture of the real problem.